he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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