can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
