you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
