He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
