I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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