you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
