Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
