I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
