He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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