I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
