Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
