Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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