not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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