i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
