My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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