Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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