Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
