I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
