the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
