He uses pillows to masturbate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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