Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the raccoons are back...
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