He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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