Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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