i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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