I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
