...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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