a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
