my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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