Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
