I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
