That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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