totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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