Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
