Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
