Umm I'm too high to move.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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