I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
love makes seman taste better
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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