One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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