his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
