I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
