i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
