my mouth tastes like poor choices
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wear drunk well.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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