I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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