Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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