I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
