you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
