So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
