if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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