Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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