So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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