I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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