I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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