Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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