I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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