Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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