I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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