You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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