doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
