oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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