i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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