i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
