I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
