Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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