why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
either way he was missing a nipple.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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