I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
