toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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