just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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