whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Houston, we have a squirter
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
