I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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