Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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