People in love make me want to vomit
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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