i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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