Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
