Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
